To Santa Claus 🎅 with love (not)

Elf Meltdown

Dear Santa,
It occurred to me while I was designing one of your elves that I had been an elf myself! During the pre-Christmas rush of my advertising days, I would work my ass off for greedy clients. By the time all my Christmas ads were sent out, this is what I looked like; a melted down elf!

I get hives when I think of you, Santa. The idea of sitting in your lap and letting you pretend you're giving me toys in exchange is kinda sick. As a symbol of patriarchy and consumerism, you fall in the same category as Colonel Sanders and Ronald McDonald. You are Jeffrey Epstein's mentor.

My heart goes out to all the elves out there who have to service bottomless pits during the Christmas rush. I feel for you! I hope you won’t end up having a meltdown like this little elf. Although most elves never say no, it might be a good thing to start. Why not have an elf revolution!

Rudolf Meltdown

What’s this? Is it road kill? What happened to poor Rudolf? Don’t worry, no animals were harmed. #LIES

Never has a reindeer been so sexualized with a protruding butt and a red nose that looks like a swollen shaft. Used up and over consumed, I can barely recognize good old Rudolf anymore. He used to be Santa's sexiest pet but like many beautiful perky things, he hit a downward spiral. After creating the illusion that all was wonderful, it was time for him to move on and get replaced by the next sexed-up reindeer. From now-on he will be hidden away in the crypt of Christmas decorations past. There is solace in the fact that his plastic body will take 500 years to biodegrade.

In the meantime, feel free to enjoy the admiration of countless children who believe in lies. The last guy with a long white beard who went down my chimney never served time – despite numerous accusations. I doubt Mama Claus knows about Santa's checkered past.

Snowflake Meltdown

Seeing a snowflake melt is a wonder of nature. The intricate microscopic structure dissolves in a second to become a single droplet of water. All material things disintegrate over time. But real snowflakes don’t drip like the one in my illustration.

My goal was to create an image that symbolized the effects of climat change as a result of our addiction to fossil fuels. Christmas is a time of over consumption. The sacrifice of our environment is enormous.

This Holiday Season, let’s be mindful of our planet and cut back on wasteful ephemeral things. Unlike real snowflakes, most things don’t melt in a second to become a droplet of water.

Deflated Santa

Dear Santa,
Is that your head I see being swept in wind like an empty plastic bag? By the time January rolls around, you’ll be as useless to shopping malls as tits on a bull….

With love,
Joan.